Reading with Boys

Check out this link to a blog post at Beautiful Feet Books. The author writes about the importance of reading with your boys.  It’s another reminder about the importance of time spent letting your imagination run wild ~ away from t.v., video games, and screen time.  I know I harp on screen time, and I get that technology serves its purpose.  But one of the problems with t.v. and video games is that the scenes, characters, and problem-solving are provided for the viewer.  Instead of creating a scene from “Robin Hood” in your head, that unfolds as the story develops, the screen places that scene (boom!) in front of you and leaves little room for cognitive exploration.

There is a widening gap in school achievement between boys and girls.  Interestingly, the gap is pretty much nonexistent for homeschooling families, where creativity and physical exploration for active boys might be more the norm. Anyway, all my pulpit-thumping about t.v. aside, the post is a great reflection on learning with boys.  It also links to the original article titled “How to Talk to Little Boys” ~ another interesting read.

Baby Sign ~ Can you tell what I’m saying with my hands?

The baby signing has started again in this house. 

 

At six-months-old, my little Roly Poly is starting on solids, which means plenty of practice opportunities for “more” and “eat”. We use “more”, “eat”, “finished” or “all done”, and “bottle”, at least to start. For most kids “more” goes naturally with “yum!” and “mmm!”, so it is an easy first sign to lead the way to language. (Check out this old post about Baby Signing and what I recommend.)

 

Mealtimes are wonderful periods during the day to reinforce some basic signs.  The child is strapped into a chair, focused on getting fed, and the parents are usually sitting next to them at eye level.  There is a positive reward (food) for every good attempt.  There’s no “perfect age” to start baby signs, but I started at about 6-months with both my daughters. (I think that up until 6-months most parents are just trying to get into a rhythm with their child, engage and open/close circles of communication, and embrace coos, gurgles, and squawks. Oh, and get some sleep. And change diapers. And try to sleep.)

Baby signing doesn’t necessarily mean your child will be talking by age two, and most kids will leave their signs behind as they start to acquire words. (Click here for speech and language milestones for reference.) However, if your child does end up being a late talker or have language delays, giving them an avenue for communication can only help them down the road.

 

Signing for older babies and toddlers is more than a way to communicate needs and wants.  As your child signs, they are learning the fundamentals of language ~ that we use words to express ourselves, that we receive messages from others and interpret them. Just today a friend mentioned that her son was requesting “more” with sign rather than screaming for more food. (This is a good thing, because 1) he is realizing how to specify exactly what he needs, and 2) parents have been known to go bat-crazy when screaming is the main method of communication.) Regardless of when he learns to speak the word “more”, he has learned to be very specific and deliberate in his communication.

Although she is very verbal, I can still prompt my almost-three-year-old from across the room to say “thank you” or “please” to someone; it’s like our own secret code without Mom needing to shout “Don’t forget to say thank you!” The signs can still serve as a reinforcer as we build language. (Click here for more language expansion strategies.)

 

As the Roly-Poly learns to eat, and in-between drools on her bib and gurgles to her sister, I will try to reinforce the positive communication I am seeking.  She will sometimes lift her hands like she wants to sign “more”, but she doesn’t yet have the dexterity to coordinate the movement every time.  When she does, though, I am quick to reinforce with a spoonful of food, and a corresponding “more!” or “yum”.  As she gets better, I can mirror her movement, close to my face so my mouth and words are in her line of sight, too. In a perfect situation, at a perfect time, this is what works.  (Then there are those “other” times: when the Walkie Talkie is telling a story, the dog is barking, the Roly Poly is spitting all the food back on my face… and I’m shoveling food into her little mouth without much more than a “Yum!” in exchange for her “Phlllbbbpt!!” raspberry of food back at me.)

 

I’m curious: Did you use baby sign with your children?  Did it “work”?  Let me know your thoughts…

 

 

Just another day in the life…

I thought it was time for an update from the home front. I’ve written before here about when my first daughter hit the Walkie-Talkie stage.  My little Walkie-Talkie spends her playtime immersed in imaginative fairyland, complete with characters and drama.  Most naptimes have turned to “quiet time” at our house, and while she is in her room the stories really run wild.  She sings songs to her animals, talks to her dolls, creates elaborate stories to tell herself, and in general has a fine time high in her tower waiting for her prince (or mommy to come and tell her quiet time is over). I keep meaning to put a tape recorder in her room to hear exactly what she is saying, but what I can glean from my eavesdropping makes me laugh, and amazes me. Kids say the darndest things! This imaginative play has done wonders for my sanity, as I get a few moments every day to sit back and let her daydreams run wild.  I’ve written before about the power of free play, and I am even more of a believer as I raise my own kids.

Our newest addition, the “Roly-Poly”, is already five-months-old!  Her coos and gurgles have turned to bird-of-prey-style squawks, followed by big smiles and sparkling eyes to get our attention. From my “speechie” lens I’m always amazed by how quickly babies can change from day-to-day.  I’ve written before about baby signing here, and my husband and I are starting to use signs with our Roly-Poly, especially when she fusses, in an effort to show her that she can communicate a specific need or want. The circles of communication come so naturally to many babies – it makes me appreciate even more the parents who have to work extra hard for their child’s attention.  Communication is such a vital part of our lives, even from this age humans seek out and reinforce those interactions.  The Roly-Poly also likes to make those flirty eyes at 2:30am when I finally drag myself out of dreamland and stumble into her room.  That little girl know how to get her need met and keep everyone loving her to bunches.

Some of you may remember our family’s big experiment where we cancelled cable for 8 months.  It actually was a pretty easy switch, since we didn’t spend much time watching it normally.  I wanted to see if, as a family, we could stomach what I try to encourage many of my clients to do: significantly reduce our screen time. I have seen children for therapy who spend 3-4 hours every day in front of the t.v., and another couple of hours on the computer.  Seven hours in front of a screen is no good.  When we are focusing on self-soothing, increasing social communication, and exploring pretend play, screen time runs counter to what we are trying to accomplish.

I check my computer or iPad several times a day, and the iPhone has been my sanity while spending countless hours breastfeeding, so I didn’t focus on our overall “screen time”.  I’ll be the first to admit, that “window” to the outside world would be very difficult for me to totally eliminate.  Our Walkie-Talkie only uses the iPad on rare occasions, so our focus turned to the television.  We canceled the cable, caught a few shows on basic cable, but didn’t really miss the tube during our busy days.

But then the Oregon Duck football season started.  Needless to say, in order to get his sports fix, my husband asked for the cable back. We’d already gotten in a nice rhythm of not watching television, and our oldest daughter didn’t expect it as part of her day, so we turned the cable back on.  Realistically, I’d say we currently catch about 3-4 hours of grownup shows a week (mostly On-Demand, I hate commercials!), a couple of hours of sports, and my daughter watches about 1 hour per week. Her favorite shows (again, On-Demand usually) are the Super Why! super reader shows, and Angelina Ballerina. We’ve established that it is a special, irregular treat, so she doesn’t expect it every day. Now, don’t get me wrong. I understand that as parents we are often on our last strands of patience, and the television can be a sanity saver. Some children are very high-energy and need some forced down time. In my opinion, however, what is important is to continue to practice having your child entertain themselves, because it’s the only way they will learn to regulate their behavior, play through boredom, and explore some of their deeper cognitive capacities.

With that, I’ll leave you with this little tidbit from the Walkie-Talkie tonight: “When you go to bed, you rest your body and your hair… AND your brain!”

Sleep Schedules

Shhh! Genius at Work! Why Sleep is So Important for Learning

It’s World Autism Awareness Day

http://m.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2012/04/02/presidential-proclamation-world-autism-awareness-day-2012

President Obama makes it official! World Autism Awareness Day!

Anxiety: When is it too much?

“I’m late, mom. I’m late! I can’t be late! I have a test… We have to go… NOW!” A moderate amount of anxiety in kids is actually normal, and helps them show up and achieve at school. A little bit of anxiety will help your child study for the next test, hoping to do well. It will get them pumped up for their next big game, help them get all their homework in their backpack, and keep them trying their best. Most high-achievers have learned to harness their anxiety and use it for their benefit, all the way into adulthood.

But when anxiety starts to cause negative behaviors, avoidance, and fear, it turns into a maladaptive force for your child. (A mental health professional would look at the intensity of your child’s distress, the impact on how they are functioning, and the duration of their fears to determine an underlying anxiety disorder.) I’ve worked with children who run away from situations, who refuse to speak to their teachers, who push and shove and mouth off, all resulting from underlying anxiety.

Parents see physical symptoms, such as headaches and stomach aches, occurring frequently. Oftentimes there are negative behaviors, like tantrums and avoidance, which occur at home or on the way to school. Social settings may cause your child significant stress, if they are having difficulty processing the complex relationships of their peers.

If your child is having excessive worry, trouble with uncertainty, and extreme emotions associated with an event, there are some things you can do at home to help alleviate their worries.

1. When children are uncertain, give them choices rather than deciding for them.

“I know Joe’s birthday party sounds overwhelming, but he invited your because he is your friend. Should we try to go for a little bit? How long?”

 

2. Allow children to struggle, make mistakes and learn by trial and error vs. taking over

“I know you were worried about that science test, so you stayed up really late studying. But this morning you seemed extra tired. What’s your game plan for the next science test?”

 

3. Label and accept your child’s emotional response rather than criticizing them

“I can see that this is making you worry. You yelled at your sister earlier, and now you’re being short with me. It’s really hard to give a report in front of the whole class.”

 

4. Promote your child’s development of creative self-help strategies

“Let’s use your three “calm” strategies before we work on this presentation anymore.”

Calming strategies can be anything that works for your child. For example:

*Deep, long breathing (have your child lie on the floor with a book on their belly and try to “push” the book up with each breath”)

*Visual imagery (take a “special journey” to a favorite place by talking about what you see, hear, and feel)

*Give a concrete name to their anxiety (e.g. “The Dragon”) and help them “fight back” mentally to beat their enemy. From “The Anxiety Cure for Kids: A Guide for Parents: “Anxiety is like an imaginary Dragon in your head. The dragon seems to be really scary. You can learn to tame the dragon with help from the Wizard you also have in your own head. The Wizard will teach you powerful magic to tame the anxiety Dragon.”

 

5. Attend to “brave behaviors” and ignore anxious behaviors (crying, frequent questions.)

“That’s good breathing. You are being so brave.”

 

If your child is having heightened levels of anxiety which are negatively affecting their life, it is wise to consult with your pediatrician. Most children do not grow out of untreated anxiety, so the earlier it is treated, the better the prognosis. A therapist can also help educate you in home strategies to make your daily interactions more positive and reassuring for your child.

A “Time-Out Sort of a Day”

… Not that kind of “time out”… The kind of “time out” where you pause and turn to your child and see what they really need from you. Perhaps you have a school-age child who just needs a break for the day. A day to stay home with mom or dad and veg out on the couch with a couple good books, breaking only for a walk around the neighborhood or to the park.

Or maybe, as was the case for me today, your small child just needs you to slow down, take a breath, and just hang out.
My little Walkie Talkie has been sick, and that means sleep-deprivation for everyone in our house. Sleep deprivation means “emotional” for my daughter, which throws her normal calm and independent spirit into the wind. Last night was rocky, with some night terrors at 2:30am (this after feeding the Roly-Poly at 1:30am.) Mom and Dad were both on duty last night – I think it’s a true testament to co-parenting when you can do it sleep-deprived in the wee hours of the night! This morning I read an important note, which laid a path for the whole day:
“What is most important to little ones at home with their mama is that their mother enjoys being with them. Not that they take art, or music, and swimming lessons, or go to “school” every day.”

And so began our day watching the snowstorm, reading fairy tales, blowing bubbles for the baby, and baking cookies.

These “slow down” days are so important, especially since I work outside the home some of the week. My girls are blessed to have an amazing nanny who understands the need for some child-directed play time, as well. Dad also has his time alone with the girls, and I’ve seen their relationship with him blossom as a result. And, let’s face it, Daddy does it differently. Whether its combing their hair or making breakfast, Daddy does it differently. And that’s a good thing.

A “time out” day works well when you have a normal routine and schedule most days. A routine provides security, teaches your child how to prioritize, allows for enough sleep, and allows for deeper learning to occur. But, most importantly, those steady days allow for some flexibility when the need arises, when reading “Cinderella” and “The Frog Prince” are all you need to accomplish in a day. When your child just needs to snuggle, or stare at the wall, or watch the clouds drift past.